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The loss of one electron often turns an atom from negative to positive.
Five simple rules of happiness:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Breathe in Faith...
Breathe out Fear...
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5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
***
Depression is often Anger turned inward!
***
One Day at a Time
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Feelings and Emotions
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Feelings/Emotions
Feelings and Emotions
Feelings and emotions are very normal and serve various purposes, Recovering
addicts begin to experience a wide array of emotions once the addictive
behaviors are arrested. This list is included to assist recovering addicts to
identify individual feelings rather than react to a whole jumble of unidentified
feelings and emotions.
Anxiety, good or bad, is the main causes of relapse.
- An addict can go from zero to a gazillion on the anxiety scale in about 3
seconds.. it is helpful to have some assistance when this happens. This is
quite normal, but very confusing! Here are some tips that others have used
to achieve success when anxiety becomes problematic.
- Have a recovery friend or sponsor read you some recovery material from
your 12 step program - often an addict (even after long successful
recovery) is so scattered they cannot focus.
- Use the 5 minute rule - Pick a task that will take you less than 5
minutes and do it. It will often break the cycle and allow a return to
more sane feelings.
- Make a phone call to another recovering individual. The common mistake
is to avoid doing this for any number of reasons.
- The very act of reaching out is the key to recovery and the reason
why individuals with long term recovery relapse. They forget how to
use the phone.
- Jot down a 'feelings list' on the back of an old envelope, and write
down the feelings as they pop up:
- Remember to write how YOU feel... not how your Mother, Father,
Sister, Brother, Spouse, Children, Pastor, teacher or anyone else
would like you to feel.
- Use the "I" word. - eg I feel good about having a
toothbrush. I feel angry at my boss for putting me on probation
........ I feel excited about going on a short weekend vacation....
and write all the words so you get used to "owning" your
own feelings.
- Most feelings do not require any particular action but a few will
strike you as hey -- there is something i should do about that - jot
down these brainstorms as well.
- A few feelings when jotted will appear to be overstated - write a
little reality section at the bottom of the page to correct the
obviously incorrect ways of feeling.
- Most importantly, remember that these are today's feelings not
yesterday's or 15 years ago, and certainly not tomorrows. Put these
items on an accomplished list or a wish list
- Write down even conflicting feelings eg: I feel super about
putting my resume in for that job..... I feel afraid of what will be
asked of me by that job......... I feel afraid to even do an
interview about that job.
- You get new feelings every day! Do not be afraid to feel today's
today! Tear up the envelope when you have finished and start over again
tomorrow. Used envelopes are cheap and feelings come and go when you let
the flow happen.
If you are having any difficulty identifying feelings, many of the 12 step
daily reading books have an appendix in the back with feelings listed. Reading a
few of the pages on the feeling you think you are having will often clarify
things.
- Example: anger, fear and excitement often 'feel' the same - as adrenalin is
produced - and the bodies reaction to the drug feels the same. I knew a performer who had bad stage
fright ( he thought) now he looks at the same feelings as excitement and it
actually assists him in his performance rather than demobilizes him.
Desired Feelings:
-
Intense
- loved, adored, idolized,
alive, wanted, lustful, worthy, pity, respected, empathy, awed,
enthusiastic, zealous, courageous
-
Strong
- enchanted, ardor, infatuated, tender, vibrant, independent, capable,
happy , proud, gratified, worthy, sympathetic, important, concerned,
appreciated, consoled, delighted, eager, optimistic, joyful, courage,
hopeful, valiant, brave, brilliant
-
Moderate
- liked, cared for, esteemed, affectionate, fond, excited, patient,
strong, gay, inspired, anticipating, amused, yearning, popular,
peaceful, appealing, determined, pleased, excited, jolly, relieved,
glad, adventurous, peaceful, intelligent
-
Mild
- friendly, regarded, benevolent, wide awake, at-ease, relaxed,
comfortable, content, keen, amazed, alert, sure, attractive, approved,
untroubled, graceful, turned on, warm, amused, daring, comfortable,
smart, interested
Feelings that are Confusing
-
Mild
- unpopular, listless, moody, lethargic, gloomy, dismal, discontented,
tired, indifferent, unsure, impatient, dependent, unimportant,
regretful, bashful, puzzled, self-conscious, edgy, upset, reluctant,
timid, mixed-up, sullen, provoked
-
Moderate
- suspicious, envious, enmity, aversion, dejected, unhappy, bored,
forlorn, disappointed, wearied, inadequate, ineffectual, helpless,
resigned, apathetic, shy, uncomfortable, baffled, confused, nervous,
tempted, tense, worried, perplexed, troubled, disdainful, contemptuous,
alarmed, annoyed, provoked
-
Strong
- disgusted, resentful, bitter, detested, fed-up, frustrated, sad,
depressed, sick, dissatisfied, fatigued, worn-out, useless, weak,
hopeless, forlorn, rejected, guilty, embarrassed, inhibited, bewildered,
frightened, anxious, dismayed, apprehensive, disturbed, antagonistic,
vengeful, indignant, mad, torn
-
Intense
- hate, unloved, abhor, despised, angry, hurt, miserable, pain, lonely,
cynical, worthless, impotent, futile, accursed, abandoned, estranged,
degraded, humiliated, shocked, panicky, trapped, horrified, afraid,
scared, terrified, threatened, infuriated, furious, exhausted
All Feelings are scary for recovering or active addicts. Usually a
combination of these feelings (positive or otherwise) adds up to the addict
experiencing a minestrone feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing why. The
overwhelmed feeling usually paralyses the addict and can often lead to
relapse. This is why it is important to break these feelings down and see them
individually.
One trick to assist any addicts to sort this overwhelmed state out, before
relapsing, is to stop trying to figure out what all is going on at the moment.
An older counselor that I know, says it perfectly when she says "Cut your
head off and just do the do
things"
Stuck Feelings and Emotions
- Blocked energies and stuck feelings are very common among addicts and
codependents. These artistic type of feelings are also assisted by the above
doing the do things. The
energy can start to flow better when some small progresses are made.. even
if it is simply taking the trash out.
- Another friend of mine uses what she calls the 5 minute rule. Just do
something for 5 minutes. It will usually start a cycle that allows a return
to some form of productivity.
The Story of Two Wolves
The following old parable illustrates the importance of staying in the
"solution" rather than focusing to strongly on the problem.
An older Cherokee man is teaching his
grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he says to the
boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One is evil. He is anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, selfishness, arrogance, self pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.
The other is good. He is love, joy,
peace, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity,
truth, compassion and faith.
This same fight is going on inside
you and inside every other person." The grandson thinks about it for a
minute and then asks his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Cherokee replies, "The
one you feed."
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***
True addiction recovery lies in the ability to deal with root
issues, not simply medicate the symptoms of them."
DB
"There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the
path!"
***
You do not have to carry yesterday's hurt and damaged
feelings into today.
A fresh supply of new feelings is yours for the
taking!
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