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The loss of one electron often turns an atom from negative to positive. Five simple rules of happiness:
Breathe in Faith... Breathe out Fear...
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Recovery Poems by Vanessa
Recovery Poems by VanessaVanessa writes very touching poems about recovery. Here are a few from her ever blossoming collection.
Little Brotherby Vanessa v c.2001
Little brother, dear you never had a chance so young and innocent you were, so cute and full of joy! We played and laughed and dreamed about life, about accomplishments and things we would master.
Little brother, dear you never had a chance. You looked for a father, strong and loving. For a mother letting you grow up, you had visions of a full life, of learning of being someone, the world could admire.
Little brother, dear, you never had a chance, A father who was never there, A mother who wouldn’t let you go, loving you to death, and didn’t know. You were imprisoned with attachments, placed on you and suffocating, no breath, no hope, no self.
Little brother, dear, you never had a chance, looking for friends in wrong places, desperate for acceptance and love, licking your wounds with alcohol and drugs, escaping reality, never knowing what it was, yet yearning to fill the hole in your heart, desperate, isolated - with what!
Little brother dear, you never had a chance, I remember in my heart, your love your honesty to me and your cry for help, yet I did not know, had my own stuff, we both were outcasts in the family, tortured and despised children, from fathers nobody accepted.
Little brother dear, you never had a chance, I felt your dying from far away, helpless, reaching out too late. It was too hard for you to live, You died alone, with no-one holding you, The loneliness you must have felt I just hope, your Angel carried you!
Little brother dear, You never had a chance, I make sure they never forget Even though they try so hard Your name is mentioned, your story told again and again, Your love always remembered, a jewel in my life, the greatest gift from you!
Little brother dear, there is a chance again, when I come up to heaven, and hold you in my arms, we both know more and understand, and laugh and cry again, together, and share and understand and let go of all the pain, together.
Awakening - Sacred Place in my Heartby Vanessa v c.2001
The world is alive, with magic and with wonder, I never saw these colours so deep, so vibrant, dancing in my heart.
Thank you my friend, for waking me gently, for touching my shoulder for opening my eyes, for feeling it all again.
You know my needs, how to unlock my heart, gently and with care, guiding me along the path, to freedom, love and trust.
You had the key I lost, a gentle soul you are, with wisdom grown of pain, leading me from darkness into light and joy.
So much has changed since then, within me and around, my feelings dancing, my eyes and spirit laughing, love overwhelming me to tears.
It is a quiet love, deep and trusting, of not believing yet, how wonderful it is, how deeply satisfying.
Yet there is strength, growing, nurturing, expanding the world within is alone no more but connected with the universe, gaining strength and trust.
You are the messenger, an angel long anticipated, to unfold the truth so gently, to touch my heart to bring my soul alive.
This love will never die, never end, whatever is it is devotion for such gifts, Cause I would never know, if you hadn’t found the key.
Forgotten Dreams
by Vanessa v c.2001
It’s a good age, it always was to mature, to ripen mind and body, to reminisce of times long gone, to realize the repetition of dreams fulfilled and crushed.
Wallowing in early childhood when the world was still a dream when dreaming was allowed, when I still saw goblins and fairies, being alive in and around me.
Was it real or was it just a dream? I wonder…. often…. where the secret lies. I just didn’t see them anymore…later they tried to talk with silent voices I didn’t hear them anymore.
Intellect, reality was the new game There were new rules now…… about real things….. life….. progress. About education, getting ahead, marrying well, having the right friends.
I still saw goblins and fairies here and there my childhood friends, waving good-bye ‘You just have to call, we’ll come back’ Tears of lost dreams welling up dying inside without a choice.
I went on to the fight of life forgetting love and simple things losing myself in success and fortune Hunting and hunting without end Wanting things, people to be mine.
I never succeeded, never gave up, wanted this and that and more, more toys, more love, more admiration, more success, more money, more gold, more people around, friends admiring me.
There was no new path, no new game to play, no new price to win, no new love to conquer. No new friends to have, no more parties to go to, no more clothes to wear, no more travels to do. The journey had ended in pain and emptiness.
Left behind was precious Me, An empty shell, lost and alone, there were no voices teaching me, there was darkness, frigid cold inside, fear taking my life, my spirit away.
I remembered my old friends, they came and told me stories of love, compassion, gentleness, of letting go and trusting, of giving of learning to know who I am.
I had forgotten how it felt, digging deep into my soul, for the treasure I once possessed. to go back and feel again, cry tears and laugh and feel my pain.
Feeling me, embracing all of me, Facing my emotions deep inside, Feeling my longing, body and heart To love again without possession, To give freely of me without a reason.
The numbness left, the feelings came Giving up and letting go of me, Embracing the world in all its’ beauty, Standing in awe and admiring all creatures All human kind, having real friends again.
I laugh and cry and tell the truth, Pride and reputation are no hurdle now, I found my truth again, I am a child. know the secret now of goblins and fairies, of how the world works so easy by itself
GRATITUDEby Vanessa v c2000
GOD……… Thank you for bringing me back to the road of recovery. Thank you for not letting me die or give me long suffering, so I have another chance at a useful life, full of joy, anticipation and mystery.
Thank you for all my blessings: for my wonderful son, for my mother, for my talents, for my mind, for my feelings, sad or joyful, for my friends, for my sponsors for my health, for the newly found laughter for starting to love myself for the courage to look inside me for giving me humility, the ability to be teachable for the courage to share and give service for my newly found honesty to myself and others for my strength, granted by you, that I feel inside me for the miracles happening right now for the spiritual connection with my fellow addicts for the strength and help they give me, for being able to live in today - finally for not having to worry anymore, for having the strength to stop drinking coffee, for my beautiful house, for my business, for all the people who come to my house to learn, for the ability to give joy to people by passing on my knowledge, for being a good hostess to my guests, for being alive, clean and clear and free…. Today
PRAYER God, stay close to me so I can feel that you are there, that I am not alone and lost in my Self.
LET me feel the power of your presence always the assurance that my life is all right, the strength to master challenges the wisdom not to become complacent in my recovery.
REVEAL to me what is intuitively right, to master any given situation, to recognize dangerous situations on the spot, to take only serious what is, and to know the difference.
HELP me to rid myself of the demons of my past, to be full of joy and free of worry, to have laughter and good friendships, to take life with a light heart.
GIVE me the courage to take chances, to step out and recognize my full potential, to speak my mind without fear, to show love, where no love is.
SHOW me glimpses of a higher consciousness, the spirit of an eagle soaring above and seeing the bigger picture, a life that is not burdened with resentments and anxiety, your love, so I can absorb it fully and pass it on to others.
GRANT me strength to overcome difficulties, to accept my fellow men as they are, to accept me, my dark past, my failures, to accept and remember the joyous times of my past.
SHINE your light and love onto my son, so that he may have self confidence, deal with the burdens I put upon him, your love onto my mother, that she may nor suffer from demons of her past, that she may understand and accept me and our relationship your grace upon my Anonymous group members, so they may be joyous and free, staying on the road of recovery and learn a new freedom. Your grace upon my friends and enemies, so my friends will stay with me and my enemies will turn into my friends. Your grace upon the World! Amen
FRIENDSHIP - SPONSORSHIPby Vanessa v c.2000
Teach me, my friend, of the truths you know There is no time for idle talk, There is no time for pleasantry. We know too much.
Look into my eyes And see, there is no false. Look into my heart And see the love.
As you know too, Life has left its’ mark, of ecstasy and pain, on you and me and many more.
The darkness left behind, The sun embracing us, a bright light shining, inviting us to dance.
Let there be no limit, In sharing our thoughts, Because the times for idle talk are left behind…. …In the darkness we once knew.
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